Blog: I Asked Grok to Give Me Dating Advice as Mr. Darcy.

As many of you know, I’m a Jane Austen nerd. I’ve written extensively about her books and characters and probably will continue to talk about her work at some point. That said, when I heard that Pride and Prejudice (2005) was being released in theaters again in celebration of its 20th anniversary and the Internet was losing its mind over Mr. Darcy, I was very happy. Even better was when I ran across a video from The Comments Section about how a feminist asked Chat GPT to give her dating advice as Mr. Darcy. Thus, I watched the video, found the original post on Evie Magazine, and knew I had to chime in and try this with Grok.

Usually, I would not ask Grok or any AI platform for dating advice since 1). It’s AI and so pulls dating advice from all corners of the Internet, so much of it might be terrible and 2). I have good parents who can answer my questions. However, when I typed in the prompt, “Give me dating advice as Mr. Darcy,” Grok didn’t do a terrible job. Here’s what it wrote:

My dear friend, as Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley, I shall offer counsel on matters of courtship with the gravity and sincerity befitting one who has learned through trial and ardent reflection. Love, I have found, is not a trifling matter but a pursuit requiring both discernment and humility.

Firstly, attend to your character. A gentleman—or indeed, any person of worth—must strive to embody virtue, integrity, and kindness. These qualities, far more than wealth or station, draw the heart of one truly worthy. I once believed my position alone could command affection, but I was humbled by the spirited Elizabeth Bennet, who taught me that genuine regard is earned through respect and understanding.

Secondly, observe and listen. Pay heed to the object of your affection—her words, her passions, her principles. Do not assume familiarity but seek to know her truly. In my pride, I misjudged Elizabeth’s feelings and offered my hand in a manner that wounded rather than won her. Learn from my error: approach with humility, and let your admiration be tempered by respect for her autonomy.

Thirdly, be forthright yet considerate in your intentions. When your heart is fixed, do not dally in ambiguity, for such indecision breeds mistrust. Yet, ensure your declarations are neither presumptuous nor overbearing. Speak your truth with sincerity, and accept her response—be it favorable or not—with grace.

Finally, persevere through adversity. Love is not always a smooth path; misunderstandings and missteps may arise. If your affection is true, prove it through actions—correct your faults, make amends, and show constancy. My own journey to Elizabeth’s heart required such efforts, and I found the reward far greater than the cost.

In sum, court with honor, listen with care, declare with sincerity, and love with steadfastness. Should you find a partner whose mind and spirit elevate your own, you shall know a felicity few can claim. I wish you success in this noble endeavor.

Yours,
Fitzwilliam Darcy

Noticing that this was mostly geared towards guys, I amended it with the prompt “Write this for a woman,” so here’s how that went:

My dear lady, as Fitzwilliam Darcy of Pemberley, I offer you counsel on the delicate matter of courtship with the earnestness and respect due to one navigating the complexities of the heart. Love, I have learned through my own humbling journey, demands both discernment and sincerity, and I share these reflections to guide you toward a connection of true worth.

Firstly, hold fast to your own character. Your virtues—your integrity, kindness, and strength—are the jewels that will attract a partner of equal merit. Let not the allure of superficial charms or fleeting flattery sway you. I once erred in valuing position above character, but Elizabeth Bennet, with her spirited independence, taught me that true affection is won through mutual respect and authenticity.

Secondly, observe with care the gentleman who seeks your regard. Attend to his actions, his principles, and the respect he shows not only to you but to others. A worthy suitor reveals himself in deeds more than words. In my pride, I misjudged Elizabeth’s heart and offered my own in a manner that offended rather than endeared. Seek one who values your mind and honors your autonomy, and do not hesitate to hold him to a standard befitting your worth.

Thirdly, be clear in your own heart and intentions. While decorum may counsel restraint, let your feelings, when certain, be expressed with honesty and grace. You need not conceal your warmth or wit to please another, but let your sincerity shine. Should you choose to bestow your affection, do so boldly yet with the dignity that reflects your self-respect.

Finally, remain steadfast, even in the face of doubt or misunderstanding. The path to love may be fraught with challenges, but if your heart discerns true devotion, trust in its resilience. My own journey to Elizabeth’s side required patience, amendment of my faults, and unwavering constancy. Should you find a gentleman whose character elevates your own, your perseverance will yield a felicity profound and enduring.

In sum, seek a partner with honor, judge with discernment, express your heart with sincerity, and love with courage. You are worthy of a love that respects and uplifts you, and I trust you shall find it through your own wisdom and grace.

Yours,
Fitzwilliam Darcy

Unlike with the article from Evie Magazine, I have no dating horror stories for AI Mr. Darcy to critique, so this is all that I can put here, but I love this for so many reasons.

The first reason why I love this is that it totally goes against what so many of us are told about how to date in 2025. The messaging that so often comes through is that you should just dilly-dally and tiptoe around the situation and be as vague as possible, play hard-to-get, jump into a physical relationship almost immediately, date casually, change ourselves for the other person, etc. What has made this messaging even worse is how the rise of #MeToo has made men terrified to ask a girl out while us ladies still expect the guy to ask us out, and this bad advice has just led to a whole lot of confusion and heartbreak.

Meanwhile, AI Mr. Darcy is basically saying to put an end to that and be upfront and honest about yourself and your intentions. If you like a girl and think that you and her could be compatible, ask her out. If you like a guy, be honest about your feelings (because most of the time, guys will not understand the signals you keep giving them). Act with decorum, integrity, and sincerity, even if you get rejected. Stop with the stupid games. I seriously think so many problems could be solved if more people stopped being scared to do this. It would certainly help solve the situationship problem.

The second reason I love this is because it tells us to look for virtue and integrity through words and actions. In our day and age, this is sadly something that I see a lot of people (especially us ladies) ignoring. A lot of us see a guy, think he’s hot, and go from there. While this attraction is natural, that doesn’t mean it’s always good. I’ve seen quite a few examples of women falling for a hot guy, thinking she can fix his flaws, and all hell breaks out while she wonders How did I not see these red flags? (Unfortunately, some men also do this.)

Stop that. Observe how the person you like acts towards everyone. If there are inconsistencies in how they act, with their integrity, etc., ask yourself, “Is this person really worth it?” One social media trend I’ve seen that illustrates this point is the trend where the boyfriend/girlfriend steals their partner’s phone and runs off with it and discreetly records their reaction. While I’m not saying that all of these are candid reactions or that you should do this with your partner, these videos do say a lot about the integrity of the other person. If they start reacting in a panicked manner when you take their phone, that usually means they’re hiding something.

The third reason I love this advice is that it encourages both parties to be brave and steadfast. As I mentioned before, thanks to #MeToo, many men are afraid to be brave and ask a woman out, and most women just expect a man to figure out her signals though our signals often look like this:

Once again this leads to a lot of confusion. Then there’s a lot of cases where you do get people who are brave enough to ask each other out on a date, but they lack the steadfastness. They’re about as constant as a tomcat and leave in a few days and society is fine with it because we’re told it’s liberating. The truth is hookup culture and casual dating are not liberating. It’s just lonely and depressing. If you ask someone out, be committed to the relationship with the intent to figure out if they’re marriage material, otherwise you’re doing both yourself and your date a disservice.

Lastly, it encourages both parties to be mutually respectful of each other. In today’s world where people like Andrew Tate are lauded for their terrible advice and hookup culture has made us believe that the other person is just something for our own gratification, respect has sadly gone flying out of the window. We now respect our significant others so much that ghosting is a common occurrence and we feel the need to blast their flaws all over social media (because nothing bad has ever happened from that). If you don’t have mutual respect for each other, your relationship can go nowhere good. It just leads to a cycle of heartbreak, bitterness, and – in the worst cases – abuse.

To conclude, we all need to start learning how to date like we’re in a Jane Austen novel made modern (though hopefully with fewer Willoughbys, Lydia Bennets, and dramatic misunderstandings.)

Until next time,

M.J.