Apologetics: Debunking Deconstruction – Is God Abusive?

A while ago, I ran across a meme where it was outlining the traits of an abusive relationship and trying to apply them to God. This meme was so incredibly stupid that I scrolled past it (and unfortunately can’t find it again for the sake of this post), but it did bring up an interesting point that a lot of deconstructors bring up, the idea that how God acts is abusive and thus, He is not deserving of worship. However, does this hold up with what the Bible says about God’s character? Let’s dive in.

#1: Possessive Behavior

This can basically be summed up as all-consuming jealousy that leads to the person wanting your full attention 24/7, getting angry when you spend time with anyone else. In relationships, this is something that should be avoided and if it happens, you should absolutely run away, but does this apply to God?

The answer is: No

The first problem that we see when we attribute human behavior to God is just that. We’re attributing the actions of sinful people to a perfect God who is not sinful. His ways are not our ways (Isaiah 55:8-9).

Secondly, we are His creation. We are meant to be thankful and obedient to the one who created us. It is right that God should have our worship because without Him, we wouldn’t be here. We should worship the Creator, not the creation (which includes ourselves) for that reason.

#2: Controlling Behavior

This includes wanting to know everything from what you’re doing, how you’re doing it, where you’re going, who you’re with, etc. and is a common way trying to ensure control in an abusive relationship. However, the reason why this criticism doesn’t really apply to God is because 1). He already knows all of that stuff before you even do it and 2). It isn’t to ensure control.

God is already in control of everything. He doesn’t need to manipulate you to ensure that. Furthermore, God doesn’t demand that you tell Him everything. We are left to choose to do that ourselves in the form of prayer, treating worshipping God like talking to your best friend. He wants a relationship with us, one that we can choose whether or not to have.

#3: Isolating You from Friends and Family

This critique when applied to God is completely ridiculous. While there are cases in the Bible where people were asked to leave behind everything to follow God (take Abraham as an example), God is not demanding that when you follow Him that you leave behind everyone who might disagree with what the Bible teaches. In fact, He actively encourages us in the Bible to interact with people who don’t believe in Christ and we see that play out time and time again (i.e.: Matthew 5:44, 1 Peter 3:15, Colossians 4:5-6 , Romans 12:18, 2 Timothy 2: 24-25, Ephesians 6:1-3, 1 Corinthians 7:12-14, 1 Peter 3:1-2). If your church is demanding that you separate yourself from your family because it’s “God’s will”, then it’s time to leave that church.

#4: Violating Your Privacy

Just like with #1, this is something that God can do because He is our creator who is omniscient and knows exactly what you’re going to do. Saying that He’s violating your privacy because of that is like critiquing an author for knowing what a character is going to do or say in the next paragraph.

#5: Shaming

This is a critique that has some grounds in reality, however you once again have to go to critique #1. God created us and put laws in place to ensure our well-being. He also gave us the ability to think for ourselves. That means that we have the ability to choose him or not. When Adam ate the apple with Eve, he was doing that in direct violation of God’s rule, thus bringing sin and death into the world. We had been made perfect and Adam ruined that for everyone when he ate the apple. Because of that, we needed a savior to come and make us right again with God, and that savior was Jesus.

Does that mean that if we take Jesus by faith that we can continue sinning and it will all be hunky-dory? No. But what it does mean is that if we have faith in Jesus, we will want to change our ways to better reflect the one that saved us. This “shaming” (being told you’re sinful and imperfect) isn’t abusive but is rather showing us the inadequacy of our own works to save us, shining a light on why we need God.

#6: Blaming You for Their Bad Behavior

God is not cruel. He does not act badly, but rather with justice. When we sin, He allows us to take the penalty for that sin so that we learn not to do it again. If that didn’t happen, how would we grow as people? It’s like if you accidentally break a lamp or a vase in your parent’s house as a kid and though they love you, they make you buy the replacement or take away a toy that you really like. This punishment, while it sucks at the time, teaches you to be more careful in the future.

#7: Pressuring you to Conform

God created you; He has the right to ask you to do things and expect obedience. This is like faulting a parent for telling their kid that they’re all going out to a family dinner and they’re coming with, whether they like it or not. It’s their kid. They’re allowed to do that. It’s the same with God.

#8: Inability to Show Compassion

This one is so incredibly ridiculous that I have to wonder if the people accusing God of this ever read their Bibles. Aside from God showing compassion for us sinners by literally sending His son to live amongst us and die for us, taking His wrath in one of the grisliest fashions known to man, God also showed compassion in the Old Testament by sparing Noah and his family, giving the human population another chance to live after the flood, promising Lot that He would spare Sodom and Gomorrah if there were just ten righteous people there (unfortunately for Sodom and Gomorrah, there weren’t even that many righteous people), allowing women like Sarah and Rebecah to become pregnant though they had been barren for years, not completely destroying Israel for all the times they weren’t faithful, etc. There are so many Bible verses showing God’s compassionate nature that I can’t list them all here. Heck, God still shows compassion for us today by being patient, giving us the choice to follow Him or not. We’re given chance after chance to repent and turn to Him. If that doesn’t show patience and compassion, I don’t know what does.

So, no. God is not abusive.

Until next time,

M.J.