Review: Dark Shadows Was a Random Mess (Spoilers)

Continuing with my series of reviewing Halloween movies through the month of October, I think it’s only fitting that we talk about the 2012 Tim Burton film Dark Shadows. It has all of the trademarks of the Tim Burton film. Danny Elfman did the musical score, Helena Bonham Carter played a role, Johhny Depp played the main character, everything was very creepy and drab, etc. The movie was based off of the soap drama of the same name that aired through the 60s and 70s, so it shouldn’t be hard to get it right, right?

Nope. It was an entertaining mess.

#1: Visuals

The visuals throughout this movie are awesome. If there’s one thing that Tim Burton does really well, it’s making things feel gothic and old. The Collins mansion looks like something you would find in a gothic/dark academia Pinterest board and the surrounding woods and town feel gloomy, old, and decrepit, as they should. The CGI in this movie was pretty good, especially in animating Jolette’s ghost.

However, the only problem I have with the visuals is Barnabas Collins’ (Johnny Depp) outfit. Though he definitely looks like the stereotypical vampire, he looks too much like the stereotypical vampire. His face is clearly covered in white face paint, something that you can really see around the eyes which they seemed to leave unpainted. Whenever he bites someone and drinks their blood, it doesn’t look quite right, instead looking like he should be on a package of white face paint that you could get at Walmart. His character feels campy, which leads to my next point….

#2: Comedy

While the scenes Barnabas’ culture shock scenes were quite funny, him having come from the 1700s now being resurrected in the ’70s, most of the comedy felt very campy, and that’s something that’s reflected throughout the movie. Because of this, the movie had a hard time balancing its gothic atmosphere and setting with the lighter jokes that should’ve been saved for some other movie.

#3: Johnny Depp as Barnabas

Though I thought Johnny Depp gave a good performance overall, in some scenes, all I could think was, “Why did they choose Johnny Depp?” While he’s good for the comedic scenes, some of his lines and the way he delivered them made me think he should’ve stuck with playing Jack Sparrow. In the scene during the prologue where he’s being buried and is yelling to be let out of the coffin, all I could think of was “But why’s the rum gone?!” I just couldn’t place the voice with the character very well.

#4: Collins? Really?

Dark Shadows was released in 2012, the same year that the Twilight movie series ended. Maybe this is just coincidence, but with that said, why didn’t Tim Burton pick a different last name for a family of vampires, werewolves, etc.? I know that Collins is a very common last name but given that there was already one very famous Collins family dominating the cinema at that time, I don’t understand why Burton couldn’t have picked a different name. Was he trying to ride off the vampire frenzy of the 2010’s? What was he doing?

(I also just want to point out that Helena Bonham Carter’s character looks like Burton was just reusing wigs and eyeshadow from his live action version of Alice and Wonderland which came out in 2011.)

#5: Random Plot Points

While there were parts of the plot that made some sense, the way they were connected was often disjointed and confusing. Scenes seemed to jump from one point to the next, trying to cram as many plot twists in as possible. This could be because it was a film adaptation of a T.V. show, but some things just were thrown in so randomly that I was sitting on my couch saying, “It’s Tim Burton. Of course it’s kind of random.” One such plot twist is that one of the characters is actually a werewolf, something that comes out of nowhere that’s just there because the plot needed it to be. Another plot twist is the movie’s open ending where Carter’s character becomes a vampire, signaling a possible sequel (which never came out).

Ultimately, if you like campy messes where you don’t have to think about anything, this movie is for you.

Until next time,

M.J.