Blog: Skyrim Armor…What the Heck Am I Looking At?

Since Dailywire hasn’t released the final episode of The Pendragon Cycle yet, that left me somewhat out of ideas for the middle-of-the-week miscellaneous post. I had a few general ideas, though I didn’t feel super inspired by them, so it’s time to review more armor from a game called Skyrim. Have I played this game? No. The most I know of it is that it’s a fantasy game, has a sick soundtrack, and Nerdy Blogger recommended that I review the armor. But after Googling the armor to see how bad it is, it’s worth a post.

#1: Temu Sauron

Look, I have nothing against spikes on armor as long as they make sense or aren’t a threat to the wearer’s safety. But, in this case, the spikes are a threat to the wearer’s safety and don’t make sense. They just look big and heavy, and if they’re attached to the shoulders, lifting your arm will absolutely cause them to ding into your equally spiky head.

And that’s another issue. Why does that helmet have so many spikes? I don’t know how many of you have worn a medieval helmet before but just imagine that you’re wearing a big metal bucket on your head. It’s heavy, so why would you add a bunch of unnecessary heavy stuff on top of that?

The sabatons (shoes) are another problem. Sabatons were often pointy, sometimes to the point (no pun intended) of pure ridiculousness, but toward the 15th century or so, they had a more rounded or square toe box. This innovation eventually made it harder for your foot to go into the stirrup, but at least if you were unhorsed, you could walk. In this guy’s case, though, I could easily see him tripping over the points on his sabatons if his character is on foot, but it could definitely be worse.

The shin guards are another problem, too. Because of how far down they go, not only would this guy have a hard time flexing his foot back, but if he tried climbing onto a horse and getting his foot in the stirrup, good luck. He would have a hell of a time getting it to fit.

I’m also noticing with this outfit that it’s incredibly bulky. While bulky armor isn’t entirely terrible, the bulk should be closer to the wearer’s center of gravity. The farther from that, the heavier it will feel. And in the case of this guy, the armor is bulkiest on the lower arms and legs, which would make it harder for him to move.

Finally, the breast plate is also questionable since it drops down so much. Usually, the breast plate stops at the waist to allow for mobility. This one, however, looks like you won’t be able to move at all.

#2: Why?

Aesthetically, this is not my favorite. It looks ugly.

But, practically speaking, this isn’t the worst. The shoulder things are stupid and would get in the way, though if the entire thing is one piece, then at least you probably wouldn’t be hitting your head if you lift your arm. The arm armor is also not great, but if this is made out of bone or something like that, then maybe it’s lighter than metal.

However, the V-neck and the random holes in the breast plate are stupid and this person would absolutely be getting stabbed there. I also have questions about mobility since, while the breastplate stops at the waist, it also has that pointy bit that I could see causing problems with bending.

#3: Jurassic World Cosplay

This one is actually the best armor I’ve seen for this game. It looks like it would protect the person well enough, and it doesn’t have anything stupid or unnecessary. The only issue I have with it is the shield and the lack of a helmet, but other than that, it’s fine.

#4: Shiny

Would this protect this guy? Maybe.

Would it be incredibly heavy? Yes.

I don’t know what this is made of, but it looks like it’s made of gold. That is an immediate red flag because not only is gold super heavy, but it’s also very soft. So, while this might protect him a bit, it would probably bend.

Until next time,

M.J.