Yes, I know I’m late to the party. I am on most of my movie reviews. But that doesn’t mean that I don’t have anything to say regarding the newest installment to the Indiana Jones series. Having just watched it yesterday afternoon on Vudu, it’s fresh in my mind and while I can admit that it wasn’t as woke as I thought it would be, unless you’re watching it for the nostalgia of the original movies, it still isn’t a good movie.
#1: The Villian
The movie opens up with Indiana Jones being taken prisoner by Nazi soldiers for snooping around their trove of ancient artifacts looking to steal the lance that supposedly pierced Jesus’ side. From there, he makes a daring escape, eventually making it onto the train that all the stuff and important people are on, and this is where we meet the villain of the movie, Dr. Voller.
By himself, Voller is a good – though generic – villain. He’s looking for the Antikythera so he can rewrite history and make sure that the Nazis win WWII and he becomes the new ruler of the world. However, there is one huge plot hole that destroys his character and that’s the scene where he gets knocked off a train going (I’m guessing here) 70-100 miles per hour. He doesn’t just fall off the train, either. He gets hit full in the face by a huge metal bar. If that doesn’t kill you, the fall would at least do some damage, especially if you’re unfortunate enough to land too close to the tracks or hit a tree. I realize that this is the same world where Indie managed to survive a nuclear blast in a fridge, but this plot point is so ridiculous that there’s now an entire Reddit forum about it and it is glorious.
My other problem with Voller is the fact that he’s yet another Nazi. This would’ve been fine if the Nazis hadn’t been the villains in two of the other movies, but since they are, it just seems to kind-of rely on nostalgia. At the very least, since this movie takes place in the late 60’s, they could’ve made the bad guys the Russians. It was after all the Cold War. They could’ve even had a similar plot to what we have now.
#2: Helena Shaw
Played by Pheobe Waller Bridge, this character is an insufferable cow for most of the movie. While she does change a bit towards the end, she’s a criminal who is willing to sell out for money and seems to only help people if it means that they can serve her purposes. Towards the beginning of the movie, she’s even willing to let Indiana Jones get killed rather than lose her half of the Antikythera, which she plans on selling to a bunch of criminals. Sure, she becomes a bit more likeable later, but I still didn’t like her character.
#3: Pacing
The pacing in this movie was sooooo slooowww. The movie is about two and a half hours long and while long movies aren’t necessarily bad (you should see me during an LOTR marathon; I will be completely engrossed), the movie takes way too long to set up the plot. I get that they had a lot to explain, but they could’ve at least found some way to speed it up while making the important points clear.
#4: CGI
The CGI was good in some places and okay in others. For example, a lot of the de-ageing CGI looked pretty good most of the time, but there were still areas where I could tell that Harrison Ford isn’t actually 20 or 30-years old. I thought the scene with the horse running through the subway was a bit hokey, but generally looked good.
#5: John Rhys Davies as Sallah
Sallah was the best part of the entire movie, no question about it. I just wish he had been in it more to offset Helena’s unlikeable demeanor.
#6: Remember Berries
I realize that this was supposed to be a sendoff to the Indiana Jones franchise, but I still felt like the movie was relying too much on nostalgia. Teddy is obviously supposed to be the new Short Round, the entire opening is sort-of a nostalgia trip from the original movies, Sallah’s cameo, etc. While some of it worked, other parts didn’t, and it ended up feeling less like it was a cash grab relying on nostalgia instead of an actual story with soul.
#7: Plot Holes, Plot Holes, Plot Holes
I’ve already talked about some of the biggest plot holes but some additional ones that I noticed were:
How did Indiana Jones get on an international flight when he’s wanted for murder? Yes, the movie is pre-9/11, but still.
Why did he team up with Helena after she tried to kill him?
How did no one find a WWII bomber, bullets, or machine guns after they crashed into the battle of Syracuse?
How did no one try to replicate their own bullets or guns based on the ones left behind after the battle?
Heck, how was the future even remotely the same as when they left it after their trip to the past?
How wasn’t history rewritten?
There are just so many questions that go unanswered that it adds massive layers of disbelief to the story that are hard to suspend for long periods of time.
To sum up, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny is background noise to listen to while you do chores. If you want to see a good movie, I suggest watching the originals.
Until next time,
M.J.
The Tanuki Corner 
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