Blog: If Bible Characters Went to the Zoo

I don’t know what made me want to do this blog post. Maybe it’s the fact that I am the type of person to scroll endlessly through memes, or maybe it’s because my brain just works in a really weird way, but here’s what I think would happen if certain Bible characters visited a zoo.

(Disclaimer: This is satire and is not to be taken seriously.)

Adam and Eve:

Adam: Okay, time to start naming stuff. Bob…Billy…Martha…Jimmy…

Eve: Honey, I think these animals already have names.

Adam: Yeah, right. Now do think this rat looks more like he’s a Steve or a Joe?

Noah:

Noah: Do you work here?

Zookeeper: Yes.

Noah: So I need at least two of each species of critter that you have here….

Zookeeper: I’m not paid enough for this.

Jonah:

*Enters the aquarium section*

Jonah: This triggers me so much.

Daniel:

Zookeeper: Uh…sir…what are you doing climbing into the lion exhibit?

Daniel: I just want to say hi to my friends.

Balaam:

Balaam: None of these donkeys talk, right?

Zookeeper: What are you talking about?

Jesus:

*Enters repile house with disciples*

Jesus: Ah, yes, a den of vipers. These are the Pharisees.

The Pharisees: Dude, we’re right here. We can hear you.

Paul:

Paul: I think I was bitten by this type of snake before.

Random person: You what?!

Author of the Song of Solomon:

Solomon: Babe, look at those goats. They remind me of your hair…

Solomon’s girlfriend: Honey, how the heck did you ever manage to marry 699 other ladies?

Solomon: And look at those sheep! Your teeth are like…

Solomon’s girlfriend: It might be time we start seeing other people.

Until next time,

M.J.